Landlord of the Pig and Whistle pub for an April fool’s joke tells retired postman Rodney Dicker he has seen a vampire waiting at a bus stop outside Highgate cemetery. Rodney Dicker and wife Hilda form ‘The vampire slayers’ six dedicated vampire slayers. The body count steadily rises with innocent people being stalked and killed. Detective Chief Inspector Edgar Briggs from New Scotland Yard, promoted through a typing error, is hot on the trail of the murderers and is aided by leading bat expert zoologist professor Clive Miller. There is a real vampire Gustav Ernst Dracula, living under the alias of Doctor Robin Sparrow, grandson of Count Horace Bartholomew Dracula, who lives with his girlfriend, ambitious BBC TV reporter the lovely Caroline Barrs in the Old Kent road. Robin is trying to reform from his old vampire ways and works nights in a NHS blood bank to gain access to bottled blood so he does not have to bite and suck victims. Afraid he might bite Caroline’s neck while making love he seeks help from eminent German psychiatrist doctor Klaus Dolfmann. Robin Sparrow takes his future bride Caroline to Transylvania to meet his grandfather. Chaos breaks out when the Dracula family is told they must pretend to be vegetarians while Caroline is a guest at the castle. Old Uncle Silas Dracula secretly plans to feast on her swan-like neck. The Count comes to England to begin a blood-sucking epidemic aided by another grandson who is the chaplain at a hospital for the criminally insane.