All Black Men Are Not the Same Why Women Keep Choosing the Wrong Ones?

I think I’ve solved the age-old mystery of why good girls love bad boys. Let me tell you that it has more to do with than basic explanations like having swag, a big penis, how he dresses, or the appearance of having money. I say appearance of having money because a lot of men know how to pretend, but we’ll get to that later. The issue goes deeper than that. I say issue because once the good girl lands the bad boy, the expectation on how the relationship is supposed to turn out hardly ever goes according to plan. I believe women are very much aware of the drama being with a bad boy brings, but yet something draws their uncontrollable attention to the bad boy player anyway. This book is not the be-all and end-all to problems in relationships, but it is an insight from a man, or should I say, a perceived good guy, and a start. A start to realize you can do better than the bad-boy-player type. Ever wonder why the black middle-class family is disappearing? Why do black people lead the nation in divorce rates among minorities? Why the professional black man and the professional black woman aren’t coming together? Why do our black women lead the nation in new cases of HIV each year? Why aren’t the cases increasing among black men at the same rate as our black women? Why so many black women are single mothers? Why are we experiencing more and more of the single black professional woman with the need to be independent; and, sit down ladies, why the professional black man is marrying outside his race? Now let me first say that you can find love in any race; do not limit yourself; being racist is flat-out ignorant. But the questions I just asked are on the minds of black men and women all over the country and are real issues within the black America. The chapters in this book are not making any claims as outright facts but instead exploring different theories as to why some black women choose the wrong type of men to date. Now here are a few things I know about all women from my experiences with them. They absolutely hate being judged, they crave attention, they want to be forgiven for their past, can’t stand the feeling of guilt, love to get even, are competitive, and extremely protective when it comes to their man. Based on these things I know about women, I’m here to tell you: you have all the right in the world to feel this way; it is perfectly understandable. But like everything else in life, there is a flipside to it all. These very same attributes can lead to a bunch of heartaches and pain if misused. Lets talk about the expectations some women have, or should I say their FANTASIES, every woman’s favorite topic. A topic to talk about even better than SEX! What is your fantasy? From what I have observed from women, some of them have the fantasy of taking a bad boy, rough neck, player off the market and turning him into a one-woman man. A man she can both admire and brag to her friends about how perfect her relationship is. Now that as a woman, you have “reformed” or like Beyoncé says “upgraded” this bad boy player, you will finally have a man you look good with. A man you can be financially secure with, and with his bad boy persona, a man you feel protected by. All you have to do is work your magic a little and whip him in to shape that is just right for you. After all the hard work, time, and effort you put into this bad boy, you will finally have the prince charming who is going to spoil you with gifts, shower you with compliments, and most of all, show his appreciation for you and see that you are nothing like any of the other women that he’s chasing. The expectation that once you hit him with some of that good loving you got, he won’t need any other woman, because you, just like every other woman in the world, is totally convinced that the stairway to heaven is right between your thighs, not to mention all the other little tricks you do in the bedroom. To go even further to show your love for him, you don’t mind cleaning up his apartment and cooking for him, heck even if you don’t know how to cook, you’re willing to learn, just for him. As far as you are concerned, his own mother doesn’t even take care of him like this. To keep him satisfied, you may even chunk him a little cash every now and then. Go out before he has a chance to, and get him the new J’s just to surprise him. Because you want your baby to look good, you even go out and buy him a couple of new Ralph Lauren polos. All you want in return is his love, loyalty, respect, protection, and to be treated like the queen you are. Well, at least that’s how it went in your head right? I must admit, after all the time and effort you ladies put into a guy that is how it’s supposed to turn out. But realistically speaking, when it comes to bad boys and players, how often does it turn out like that? After all the time and hard work you put into this guy, you find out you are just one of many women who also thought they were the only one. On top of that, even though he was already a player before you met him, a part of you feels like you made him who he is, he’s only getting all that attention because of all the upgrades you made. After all, he is out there getting those other women’s attention, looking good in the clothes you bought. Not to mention your car he’s using to go to the club and didn’t put any gas in. But wait, the moments you spent with him, the game he spit, really made it all seem so real. Everything was going your way. It made you feel good that this player saw something special in you he didn’t see in the other women you assumed you stole him from. All you can think about is all the bragging you did to your friends on how different he is and how you are determined to make this one last. You would think he’d stop chasing those other women by now and see what he has at what’s supposed to be his home with you. This is where, what’s often called, Basic B!t@h decision making begins. I’m going to use this term a lot throughout the book, just without the B word. It’s an embarrassing feeling to find out he made a fool out of you in front of all your family and friends. It is a crushing feeling to find out that he meant so much to you, but you meant so little to him. What does he see in those other women he doesn’t see in you? What do they do for him that you don’t already do? How could he lie so easily? You feel disgusted finding out he’s been sleeping with you and another woman at the same time. Well ladies, he wouldn’t be the bad boy player you liked so much if he wasn’t good at lying. Lying is a part that comes along with having game, and every woman loves a man that has a game, right? Cleary, he wouldn’t have slept with all the women he slept with if he hadn’t lied to them as well as he lied to you. You begin to think of all the things you’ve done with him and how you’re a different person because of it. For example, before you met him, you didn’t even like the thought of giving head, but now you do it every day just to keep him satisfied, and look how he pays you back. The pain of being cheated on is a very crushing blow to get over for both men and women. But now that the damage is done, the cat is out the bag, everybody knows about the drama going on between you and “your man.” Your friends come to your aid to be emotionally supportive and defend your frustration toward him and the other woman he’s been cheating with. But the glaring question at the back of everybody’s mind is “Girl, what’re you going to do about it?” Are you gonna fight for your man and save your relationship, or let him go chase other women? I must admit, nothing is wrong with fighting for a relationship if it is worth it, God forbids it, but one day I might be in that same position, taking a woman back that cheated on me. But the key phrase is “If it is worth fighting for,” ladies. At this point, this is what the book is about, the decision to keep him or let him go. I know most women initially s