Riotous Retirement

Retirement community life is harmonious, say the brochures. But this book has fifteen short stories that say—untrue! Retirement villages are where bored over 50s go, who enjoy a good fight, hate authority, argue like hell, question every rule and regulation and who love to interfere in the lives of others. And it’s where the authors live. Riotous retirement is much more interesting than harmony.“A laugh a minute fun read, as an outburst of chaotic humor abounds when newly retired over 50’s adapt to a new lifestyle and different friends when downsizing to Burnside Retirement Village, all under the eagle eye of Manager Helga. Hilarious cartoons, eye-catching cover and end of chapter limericks bring the stories to life. The authors deserve a courage medal for this pearl”. Independent review, Mary Campbell, Queensland ?02 Mar 2014.Want to know what life is really like in a retirement village or community? This book is a collection of fifteen short funny stories each illustrating some aspect of human interaction at the imaginary Burnside Retirement Village.If you thought a Retirement Village or a Retirement Community is where people go to rest, socialise and appreciate peace and quiet, you would be dead WRONG!It’s where over 50 year olds go who are bored, who enjoy a good fight, hate authority, argue like hell, question every rule and regulation, love to interfere in the lives of others and, of course, it is where those who write comedy involving such people live!Those who like the quiet life exist only in the background of this book. It is the alternative group who fill these pages. They are the people who make life interesting, who say what they truly believe, and don’t give a hoot about what anyone thinks.Brenda desperately wants to move to a retirement village lifestyle but husband Gabriel is adamant he is staying put. Brenda hatches a bold plan. Gabriel bossed others about in a former life and needs to be the centre of attention at Burnside but he is continually frustrated!Helga is employed by the village operators but must also heed the wishes and interests of the residents, all the while juggling everything to fulfill her own ambition.Alex is the caretaker who does his level best to satisfy everyone. He never succeeds!Duncan, an old bushie, is sweet on Susan. He asks her out but she will only agree if he lets her drive his new muscle car, a 1969 Chevrolet Camaro.Helga has laid down the rules pertaining to garden gnomes. A group of villagers rebel and plan some fun. Are the gnomes breeding?The environmental officer is coming to inspect the village. Helga is terrified he finds out that a group of ladies (lately equipped with iPads) have been killing protected species of snake, photographing them, and posting on Facebook.You will also read about women who drive fast cars and fast scooters, men who tell great tales, some who are arch plotters and schemers and many who don’t know what the hell they are doing. They all exist together in the chaos that is Burnside Retirement Village.Differences of opinion between residents are always blown up out of all proportion, if not by the participants, then certainly by the time the stories have been told a few times. The authors have, shamelessly, taken advantage of each and every such situation! This book documents and celebrates the odd, the bizarre, the eccentric and the downright peculiarity of over 55 year olds who are always convinced that everyone else is wrong.Stories in this book are much closer to the reality of retirement community living than all the sales leaflets and brochures promoting this lifestyle—honest. And you never know you might also meet your neighbours in these pages!Now scroll up and buy the book. You won’t regret it.