The Bluffer's Guide To The Simpsons

Homer's Odyssey

Homer's marriage to Marge has been occasionally rocky but always sturdy. You can't really imagine Fred and Wilma making the same kind of amorous noises in the boudoir (and several other locations over the years) but the Springfield Posh & Becks seem to have no qualms about getting jiggy with it after lights out and, occasionally, with the lights on.



Hair Raising

Nobody's ever satisfactorily explained away Marge's trademark beehive, the height of which is as impressive as its deep blue hue. So, let's do some reckoning: If Marge is the average height for a woman?say 165cm?then her barnet has to be in excess of 140cm. Add those together and Mighty Marge Simpson stands over 10 feet tall in old money. It's known that Marge keeps a couple of dozen cans of hairspray in her dressing table drawer so the hole in the ozone layer over Springfield must be the size of Canada by now, which probably explains the peculiar yellow skin of the local populace. It's lesser known that Marge has been ?grey as a mule since she was seventeen.” She uses Blue Dye no. 52.



Um diddle diddle

After Marge suffers from stress, The Simpsons get a nanny in the form of Shelley Bobbins?no, absolutely no similarity between her and a certain Disney Corporation character should be made or implied?who flies in and turns 742 Evergreen Terrace upside down with a wealth of twee magic and song. Who can help but be engrossed by the deliciously irreverent ''It's The American Way,'' which in no way resembles ?A Spoonful of Sugar” either, by the way.



Bart and Moe crank it up...

One of the many highlights from all the Simpsons seasons to date are (usually) Bart's crank phone calls to manic depressive bartender Moe Szyslak. It is claimed that this running gag originated in the Tube Bar, Jersey City, in the 1970s but it's obvious even to the most intellectually challenged of Shelbyville that these gems go further back than that and are based in classic ''knock-knock'' jokes: ''knock-knock/who's there/Isobel/Isobel who?/Isabel necessary on a bicycle?''



Simpsons Bluffer Rule #2

The competent Bluffer should always refer to the performers who play The Simpsons as ?the voice talent” never ?actors.” For extra effect, drop their first names and simply use ?Castellaneta,” ?Kavnar,” and so forth. This implies some tacit familiarity and your Bluffee will simply melt before your eyes like the witch in the Wizard of Oz.