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Jan 14- Out with the old husband and in with the new…
The last time I had sex it was goodbye sex. You see my marriage to John had failed and despite receiving counselling it became apparent that we wanted different things in life. We did however finish on a positive high note. We remain friends but the passion wasn’t there. Our last night together before he moved out was an emotional ‘one for the road’. It was more foreplay intimacy with underlying disappointment and sadness than outright intercourse. That was 2003. Since then things came out in the wash so to speak. The motivation for this book was a determination to change a muffled criticism by my ex husband that I was boring, frigid and lacked experience. When I look in the mirror I see someone different. So why did he not see me the same way too?
That mirror that I see is what I want to see maybe? Am I deluded and kidding myself or just plain misunderstood? The evidence though was starting to stack up. Its now 2008 and ‘he’ has moved on and resettled with someone new. And where am I you ask? Still on the roundabout of life looking for my turn off.
There are several things that make up a person’s future, like career, financial decisions, social engagements, interests, hobbies, family and friends. But a key aspect of my life that has such an impact on all the rest is missing: a partner. My last partner was heading down a street so to speak that didn’t interest me, and I feel I have ended up back tracking my life to the roundabout again, so I can choose another path that suits me. If I get the partner right, then the path in life I choose won’t be in vain, or a dead end, I hope.
I am 35 now and I don’t feel I have enlivened up my mediocre life at all. Just existed and meandered along. Taking stock, I am facing redundancy in my secretarial role, I have no kids, I am single, size 16, and I class my blonde hair as one of my few assets! Julie is my name, and getting a man is now my game. But who is my type exactly? Do I really know who I want? I am going to find him the fun and exciting way. So although my diary has many entries, the ones I will share with you are the situations and experiences that changed me from a wall flower to a feisty self confident sexually mature woman. Its time I grew out of my shell and discovered new people that I wouldn’t have considered before. I certainly don’t want the same ‘mould’ as John. I have heard about relationship break ups that go around in circles because the person subconsciously seeks out the same kind of partner she had before! Not me dear. Not this time.