Back to Me Changing How I Feel About My Mother, My Body, and Men

In her gripping memoir of love, loss, and survival, Camilla Dorand recounts the events of her life, from her childhood in Brazil to the present day. Essentially, it is the tale of a young woman struggling to understand herself in today’s chaotic and confusing world. The themes of the tale are practically universal to all women – discovering how to navigate romances with integrity, learning to love oneself in spite of negative body image, finding meaningful and fulfilling work, and coming to terms with mother-daughter relationships. Like so many, young Camilla is pulled away from her own authentic self through the trials and tribulations that life throws at her. But with tenacity and persistence, she finds her way Back to Me. In the drama that unfolds through her life story, readers will be taken along on a journey that includes the highest highs and lowest lows. In her relationships with men, for example, she experiences the brightest light and the darkest shadows. While her father remains a steadfast, kind, and loyal guide through her life, she is also chased by demonic thugs on the streets of Brazil, barely escaping their murderous intentions, and her romantic relationships too often devolve into abuse and neglect. Only time and maturity will bring her the taste of true love. Through all these events, one relationship overshadows them all, however – her contentious and heart-breaking relationship with her mother. It is only through her hard-fought battle for self-love that she is finally able to understand and forgive her mother… and to understand and forgive herself. Unlike most girls, Camilla refused to accept her mother as her role model. Their relationship was extremely toxic, filled with resentment, and rejection. One of the “values” Camilla's mother bestowed upon her was that she had to be thin to be accepted and loved by men. She grew up hating herself and how she looked. She fought with her body for a very long time, until one day something happened, and she realized that her weight didn’t define her and that she was in fact capable of being loved, despite the way she looked. All of the relationships she attempted to have with men were also very toxic. Due to her relationship with her mother and the disgust she had for myself, she habitually chose to be with guys that didn’t respect her, so she was always lost and lonely. Camilla knew that life shouldn’t be so terrible, so she set out on a journey in search of herself. It was long, and most of the time very hurtful. It was not easy to face herself and her demons, but she was determined not to stop until she had found herself and the happiness that she knew was out there. There were many falls, many tears, many heartbreaks, many deceptions, and much frustration, but there were also many moments of joy, discovery, growth, maturation, love, and success. Lao Tzu wrote, “At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are, and you know what you want.” Back to Me is the story of Camilla Dorand’s journey back to that center, and an invitation for you to do the same.