Do you always want the last word? Write your own obituary and you can achieve that goal. While you're at it, why not write your own funeral? Want to be buried in a biodegradable clamshell? Turned into a blue diamond? Mr. Dunford will tell you how. Afraid nobody will come to your big event? Hire a professional mourner. Not enough friends to carry you to your final resting place? Throw pallbearer cocktail parties and you can pick and choose over martinis. This resource guide invigorates, provokes and educates with pathos and humor.