The Catasy

PROLOGUE The engine's humming on the plane to Rome was lulling her to sleep. She fought to stay as alert as possible despite the drugs clouding her mind. She didn't want to sleep, as comforting as sleep might have been. When she slept, she dreamt of him. She saw him so clearly, felt his touch, his strong arms and his kisses caressing her lips. She wanted to be there with him, to hold him and make love with him but she would awaken and the devastating loss would be even more painful, more gut wrenching than before. She would have hope after seeing him so vividly ... but there was no hope. Awakening to the realization that he was gone was frightening. She fought the airplane's incessant massage on her senses and stared straight ahead. The familiar tears dripped silently down her cheeks. No drug could block the pain tearing through her mind and body. She was vaguely aware of Francesca, her mother, sitting beside her in the spacious first class aisle. She was more aware of the fluttering in her belly ... a recurring event these past few weeks. As she closed her eyes against the nightmare that had become her life, she tried to think of what lay ahead. The man who waited at the other end of this journey, always there, ready to ease her pain; the woman sitting beside her who she could never turn to for comfort. She thought about the music career she had loved and the friends she had left. Once again, leaving it all, just as helpless as she had been when she left as a child. She knew there were other options, but thinking clearly had become impossible. She had allowed Francesca to guide her life again, like a little girl. When sleep finally won the battle over her numbed consciousness, she was in his arms. He was stroking her hair as he always had, telling her how beautiful she was. But in her dream she wasn't beautiful at all ... it was a facade. He would realize she was not what she appeared to be and he would leave her. She buried her face in the soft hair on his chest, inhaling his scent. She wanted to remember this sensation of pure love before he loosened his embrace and saw she was not who he thought she was ... she had somehow tricked him into loving her. Soon he would find out and he would leave ...