Unless It's Him The Sweet, the Random and the Downright Insane

Got a newly-opened wound on your heart? Whether you were the one who wrecked sh*t up or not, you want and NEED to heal. How many of your dust-covered skeletons are you willing to lie at the feet of some out-of-touch stranger with a doctorate and suspicious mustache? Psychotherapy is painful, pricey and often comes with the possibility of being assigned to a balding psychiatrist with a raging god-complex. Yikes Self-help books only serve to make the broken-hearted feel exponentially more pathetic...especially if the cashier ends up having to loudspeaker a price check on your purchase. Excruciating. Fact: those methods suck more than annotations can define. Fact: what you CAN have is better than counseling and safer than scoring pharmaceuticals on the blackmarket (I mean seriously, when's the last time you heard of a DEA seizure involving paperbacks?) Welcome to alternative medicine: a novel synthesized from the heart and hand of someone who's majored in having a chainsaw-stroked heart. A novel not custom matched to your pain, but close enough. First, ask yourself this: 'Is this scarred and fractured heart that I've acquired something that needs to be corrected?' Now ask, 'Am i willing to potentially become incarcerated attempting to mend my heart in ways that involve arson and/or kidnapping?' If you answered 'yes' to the first question and declined to respond to the second, then your soul-searching is complete, but following your bliss has only begun. That, my dear, is the best news you've heard since they said yes to that 'kickass' first date that landed you flat on your arse and out in the cold You may wonder what do bruised ribs, baristas, razor blades, khakis with dusty knees, the color of sapphire blue, low E strings, rickety wooden boats and forgiveness have to do with each other? The answer is simple: nothing. Nothing other than to showcase the strange, beautiful, miserable, clumsy, hellish, heavenly, worthwhile, worth-not-giving-a..., demented, therapeutic, savior-esque, hypnotic, no-matter-how-long-it-takes-it's-worth-the-wait, nice-guys-don't-finish-last, sweeter-than-glucose-sucralose-and-high-fructose-combined-then-spiked-with-ether, and the above-all chaotic nature of each fragile filament in the intricate spiderweb of what we're all after: a fated and unfailing love. "Life's not all white knights and heroes, but it doesn't have to be clipped wings and taught nooses either." So, are you ready to get those stars back in your tear-afflicted eyes? Are you ready for an account of falling in love as off-the-wall as this annotation? Are you just ready and don't know what for? Trash the map. Turn off the GPS. You have arrived. Welcome home, love. And, just in case you turn out worse than what you came in as... The words between these covers are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease, but when it comes to heads and hearts, it just might do the trick.